FitTheSixth

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(for the afda froup production.)
 
(updated from scriptbook)
 
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Start of segment timecheck: 13:12
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<pre>
 
<pre>
GRAMS NARRATOR BACKGROUND
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NUMBER TWO Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir
   
NARRATOR The History of every major Galactic civilization has gone
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CAPTAIN Interrogate them, Number Two?
through three distinct and recognizable phases - those of survival, inquiry and
 
sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases. For instance
 
the first phase is characterized by the question 'How can we eat?', the second
 
by the question 'Why do we eat?' and the third by the question 'Where shall we
 
have lunch?'
 
   
The history of warfare is similarly subdivided, though here the phases are
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NUMBER TWO Yes sir. Torture them sir, stick matchsticks under their finger nails, stub out lighted cigarettes on their skin, sir...
Retribution, Anticipation, and Diplomacy - Thus Retribution: 'I am going to
 
kill you because you killed my brother', Anticipation: 'I am going to kill you
 
because I killed your brother', and Diplomacy: ' I am going to kill my brother
 
and then kill you on the pretext that your brother did it'.
 
   
Meanwhile, the Earthman Arthur Dent, to whom all this can be of only academic
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CAPTAIN Why on Earth should I want to do that?
interest as his only brother was long ago nibbled to death by an okapi, is
 
about to be plunged into a real intergalactic war. This is largely because the
 
spaceship that he and his companions have inadvertently stolen from the
 
Restaurant at the End of the Universe has now returned itself on autopilot to
 
its rightful time and place. Its rightful time is immediately prior to a
 
massive invasion of an entire alien galaxy, and its rightful place is at the
 
head of a fleet of one hundred thousand black battle cruisers. This is why:
 
   
ARTHUR You mean this ship we've stolen is the admiral's flag-ship?
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NUMBER TWO To get information out of them sir.
   
FORD That's the way it's looking. Perhaps we should just ask them if they
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CAPTAIN Oh no no no, I expect they just dropped in for a quick gin and tonic, don't you?
want it back. You know, if we were reasonably polite about it...
 
   
ZAPHOD They might just let us off with being lightly killed.
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NUMBER TWO Can't I just interrogate them a little bit?
   
FORD Yeah. OK well it's better than ... er ...
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CAPTAIN Oh, all right, if you must. Ask them what they want to drink.
   
ZAPHOD It isn't better than anything at all, is it.
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NUMBER TWO Thank you sir. (shouting) All right you scum, you vermin...
   
F/X FLICKERING HUM RISING IN PITCH
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CAPTAIN Oh steady on Number Two...
   
FORD That visiscreen's beginning to flicker.
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NUMBER TWO What do you want to drink?
   
ZAPHOD Fetid photons! It must be some guy wanting orders.
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FORD Well, the gin and tonic sounds very nice to me. Arthur?
   
FORD Well order him to go away. You'll just have to bluff it out, Zaphod.
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ARTHUR What? Oh yes.
   
ZAPHOD I'll have to bluff it out?
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NUMBER TWO With ice or without!!!!!
   
FORD Now sit down and do something...
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FORD Oh, with please.
   
ARTHUR Say something...
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NUMBER TWO Lemon?!!!!!!!!!!!
   
TRILLIAN Anything.
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FORD Yes please. And do you have any of those little biscuits, you know the cheesy ones..?
   
FORD Don't worry, we'll be right behind you ... hiding.
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NUMBER TWO I’m asking the questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   
ZAPHOD Ford, this is your idea, isn't it?
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CAPTAIN er, Number Two?
   
FORD Yeah, now sit down there and be a star.
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NUMBER TWO Sir!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   
ZAPHOD When I am a star I'll hire better ideas man.
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CAPTAIN Push off would you, there’s a good chap. I’m trying to have a relaxing bath.
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NUMBER TWO Sir. May I remind you that you have now been in that bath for over three years!
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CAPTAIN Yes, well, you need to relax a lot in a job like mine.
   
F/X THE SCREEN COMES ALIVE WITH A PING
 
 
</pre>
 
</pre>
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End of segment timecheck: 14:05
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=== Alternate online script ===
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http://www.clivebanks.co.uk/THHGTTG/THHGTTGradio6.htm
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(note that this appears to be a transcription of the broadcast, rather than following the script books as the above prefers to do)
   
 
=== Other info ===
 
=== Other info ===
Fix the Sixth: Casting Call - <4c45cf06$0$28644$c3e8da3@news.astraweb.com>
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* Episode is 30:40 duration in total
Fix the Sixth - Froup Production - <4c45cf06$0$28644$c3e8da3@news.astraweb.com>
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* Fix the Sixth: Casting Call - <4c45cf06$0$28644$c3e8da3@news.astraweb.com>
  +
* Fix the Sixth - Froup Production - <4c45cf06$0$28644$c3e8da3@news.astraweb.com> - http://groups.google.com/group/alt.fan.douglas-adams/browse_thread/thread/57981f852b86f48b#

Latest revision as of 01:36, 11 January 2018

Start of segment timecheck: 13:12

NUMBER TWO    Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir

CAPTAIN    Interrogate them, Number Two?

NUMBER TWO    Yes sir. Torture them sir, stick matchsticks under their finger nails, stub out lighted cigarettes on their skin, sir...

CAPTAIN    Why on Earth should I want to do that?

NUMBER TWO        To get information out of them sir.

CAPTAIN        Oh no no no, I expect they just dropped in for a quick gin and tonic, don't you?

NUMBER TWO        Can't I just interrogate them a little bit?

CAPTAIN        Oh, all right, if you must. Ask them what they want to drink.

NUMBER TWO        Thank you sir. (shouting) All right you scum, you vermin...

CAPTAIN        Oh steady on Number Two...

NUMBER TWO        What do you want to drink?

FORD        Well, the gin and tonic sounds very nice to me. Arthur?

ARTHUR        What? Oh yes.

NUMBER TWO        With ice or without!!!!!

FORD        Oh, with please.

NUMBER TWO        Lemon?!!!!!!!!!!!

FORD        Yes please. And do you have any of those little biscuits, you know the cheesy ones..?

NUMBER TWO        I’m asking the questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAPTAIN        er, Number Two?

NUMBER TWO        Sir!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAPTAIN        Push off would you, there’s a good chap. I’m trying to have a relaxing bath.

NUMBER TWO        Sir. May I remind you that you have now been in that bath for over three years!

CAPTAIN        Yes, well, you need to relax a lot in a job like mine.

End of segment timecheck: 14:05

[edit] Alternate online script

http://www.clivebanks.co.uk/THHGTTG/THHGTTGradio6.htm (note that this appears to be a transcription of the broadcast, rather than following the script books as the above prefers to do)

[edit] Other info

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