FitTheSixth

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Start of segment timecheck: 4:28
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Start of segment timecheck: 13:12
   
 
<pre>
 
<pre>
F/X SCREEN GOES DEAD
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NUMBER TWO Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir
   
ZAPHOD Wowee. weirder and weirder
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CAPTAIN Interrogate them, Number Two?
   
TRILLIAN Good god.
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NUMBER TWO Yes sir. Torture them sir, stick matchsticks under their finger nails, stub out lighted cigarettes on their skin, sir...
   
ARTHUR What is it Trillian?
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CAPTAIN Why on Earth should I want to do that?
   
TRILLIAN Did you see that? I thought you said he was a Leopard.
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NUMBER TWO To get information out of them sir.
   
ARTHUR He sounded different
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CAPTAIN Oh no no no, I expect they just dropped in for a quick gin and tonic, don't you?
   
FORD Did he look different?
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NUMBER TWO Can't I just interrogate them a little bit?
   
TRILLIAN Well he wasn't so much a leopard, more a sort of, you know, shoebox.
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CAPTAIN Oh, all right, if you must. Ask them what they want to drink.
   
ARTHUR A shoe box?
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NUMBER TWO Thank you sir. (shouting) All right you scum, you vermin...
   
TRILLIAN Full of... well, size nine chukka boots.
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CAPTAIN Oh steady on Number Two...
   
ARTHUR A shoe box full of size nine chukka boots?
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NUMBER TWO What do you want to drink?
   
ZAPHOD Alright chimpman, what do you think this is, dictation?
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FORD Well, the gin and tonic sounds very nice to me. Arthur?
   
ARTHUR I just wondered how she knew they were size nine?
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ARTHUR What? Oh yes.
   
FORD Trillian, are you seriously telling us you've been talking to a box of shoes?
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NUMBER TWO With ice or without!!!!!
   
TRILLIAN Yes.
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FORD Oh, with please.
   
FORD And he... she... it...
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NUMBER TWO Lemon?!!!!!!!!!!!
   
TRILLIAN They.
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FORD Yes please. And do you have any of those little biscuits, you know the cheesy ones..?
   
FORD ...thought that you also were the admiral?
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NUMBER TWO I’m asking the questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   
TRILLIAN Well you heard it.
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CAPTAIN er, Number Two?
   
ZAPHOD What are they, clinically thick?
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NUMBER TWO Sir!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   
FORD I think they're very clever. They're trying to confuse us to death.
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CAPTAIN Push off would you, there’s a good chap. I’m trying to have a relaxing bath.
   
MARVIN I don't think they're very clever. There's only one person as intelligent as me within thirty parsecs of here and that's me.
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NUMBER TWO Sir. May I remind you that you have now been in that bath for over three years!
   
ZAPHOD OK Marvin, is there anything you can tell us?
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CAPTAIN Yes, well, you need to relax a lot in a job like mine.
   
MARVIN Yes. I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side.
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</pre>
   
ARTHUR What was the name the second in command said? Haggunenon. Why don't we look it up in the book?
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End of segment timecheck: 14:05
 
TRILLIAN What book?
 
 
FORD The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
 
 
ZAPHOD Oh, that hack rag.
 
 
F/X BOOKMOTIF
 
 
THE BOOK:
 
The Haggunennons of Azizatus Three have the most impatient chromosomes of any life-forms in the galaxy.
 
Where as most races are content to evolve slowly and carefully over thousands of generations - discarding
 
a prehensile toe here, nervously hazarding another nostril there, the Haggunennons would do for
 
Charles Darwin what a squadron of Arcturan Stunt-Apples would have done for Sir Isaac Newton.
 
Their genetic structure, based on the quadruple-striated octo-helix, is so chronically unstable,
 
that far from passing their basic shape onto their children, they will quite frequently evolve
 
several times over lunch. But they do this with such reckless abandon that if, sitting at table,
 
they are unable to reach a coffee spoon, they are liable without a moments consideration to mutate
 
into something with far longer arms - but which is probably quite incapable of drinking the coffee.
 
This, not unnaturally, produces a terrible sense of personal insecurity and a jealous resentment of
 
all stable life-forms, or “filthy rotten stinking samelings” as they call them. They justify this by
 
claiming that as they have personally experienced what it is like to be virtually everybody else they
 
can think of, they are in a very good position to appreciate all their worst points. This appreciation
 
is usually military in nature and is carried out with unmitigated savagery from the gunrooms of their
 
horribly beweaponed, chameleoid death flotilla. Experience has shown that the most effective way of
 
dealing with any Haggunennon you may meet is to run away… terribly fast.
 
 
FORD Great!
 
 
ARTHUR Terrific!
 
 
TRILLIAN Thanks a million, Zaphod.
 
 
ZAPHOD Well, hey don’t look at me. I mean -
 
 
TRILLIAN What do we do?
 
 
FORD The Book says run away.
 
</pre>
 
   
End of segment timecheck: 5:something
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=== Alternate online script ===
  +
http://www.clivebanks.co.uk/THHGTTG/THHGTTGradio6.htm
  +
(note that this appears to be a transcription of the broadcast, rather than following the script books as the above prefers to do)
   
 
=== Other info ===
 
=== Other info ===
Line 58: Line 58:
 
* Fix the Sixth: Casting Call - <4c45cf06$0$28644$c3e8da3@news.astraweb.com>
 
* Fix the Sixth: Casting Call - <4c45cf06$0$28644$c3e8da3@news.astraweb.com>
 
* Fix the Sixth - Froup Production - <4c45cf06$0$28644$c3e8da3@news.astraweb.com> - http://groups.google.com/group/alt.fan.douglas-adams/browse_thread/thread/57981f852b86f48b#
 
* Fix the Sixth - Froup Production - <4c45cf06$0$28644$c3e8da3@news.astraweb.com> - http://groups.google.com/group/alt.fan.douglas-adams/browse_thread/thread/57981f852b86f48b#
* Alternate cheat sheet: http://www.clivebanks.co.uk/THHGTTG/THHGTTGradio6.htm
 

Latest revision as of 01:36, 11 January 2018

Start of segment timecheck: 13:12

NUMBER TWO    Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir

CAPTAIN    Interrogate them, Number Two?

NUMBER TWO    Yes sir. Torture them sir, stick matchsticks under their finger nails, stub out lighted cigarettes on their skin, sir...

CAPTAIN    Why on Earth should I want to do that?

NUMBER TWO        To get information out of them sir.

CAPTAIN        Oh no no no, I expect they just dropped in for a quick gin and tonic, don't you?

NUMBER TWO        Can't I just interrogate them a little bit?

CAPTAIN        Oh, all right, if you must. Ask them what they want to drink.

NUMBER TWO        Thank you sir. (shouting) All right you scum, you vermin...

CAPTAIN        Oh steady on Number Two...

NUMBER TWO        What do you want to drink?

FORD        Well, the gin and tonic sounds very nice to me. Arthur?

ARTHUR        What? Oh yes.

NUMBER TWO        With ice or without!!!!!

FORD        Oh, with please.

NUMBER TWO        Lemon?!!!!!!!!!!!

FORD        Yes please. And do you have any of those little biscuits, you know the cheesy ones..?

NUMBER TWO        I’m asking the questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAPTAIN        er, Number Two?

NUMBER TWO        Sir!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAPTAIN        Push off would you, there’s a good chap. I’m trying to have a relaxing bath.

NUMBER TWO        Sir. May I remind you that you have now been in that bath for over three years!

CAPTAIN        Yes, well, you need to relax a lot in a job like mine.

End of segment timecheck: 14:05

[edit] Alternate online script

http://www.clivebanks.co.uk/THHGTTG/THHGTTGradio6.htm (note that this appears to be a transcription of the broadcast, rather than following the script books as the above prefers to do)

[edit] Other info

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