FitTheSixth

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(cull ye olde stuff, copypasta new stuff from clivebanks site. cleanup pending)
(updated from scriptbook)
 
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Start of segment timecheck: MM:SS
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Start of segment timecheck: 13:12
   
 
<pre>
 
<pre>
ZAPHOD Get in the escape capsules!
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NUMBER TWO Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir
   
F/X CHASE: FEET DOWN METAL CORRIDORS FOLLOWED BY BEAST SCREECH, AND GENERALLY KNOCKING FURNITURE OVER AND EATING IT
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CAPTAIN Interrogate them, Number Two?
   
FORD Right, Arthur and I’ll take this one! Zaphod you and the others take the left-hand one!
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NUMBER TWO Yes sir. Torture them sir, stick matchsticks under their finger nails, stub out lighted cigarettes on their skin, sir...
((note: radio edit removes opening "right", and gives it to Zaphod as a response to this line))
 
   
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CAPTAIN Why on Earth should I want to do that?
   
F/X HATCHWAY OPENS. SCUFFLES AS ARTHUR AND FORD GET IN, THE BEAST'S SCREECHES ARE MUFFLED
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NUMBER TWO To get information out of them sir.
   
FORD Press the go-stud Arthur.
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CAPTAIN Oh no no no, I expect they just dropped in for a quick gin and tonic, don't you?
   
F/X DULL DETONATIONS AS CAPSULE BLASTS OFF FROM THE SHIP, AND THE WHOOSH OF IT ESCAPING
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NUMBER TWO Can't I just interrogate them a little bit?
   
ARTHUR: Phew! Safe. Oh! Oh! Hey, Ford, look! The other capsule’s missing! The chute’s empty! Someone else must’ve used that capsule! The others are trapped!
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CAPTAIN Oh, all right, if you must. Ask them what they want to drink.
FORD:
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Well it’s too late Arthur we can’t help them. This capsule won’t turn back.
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NUMBER TWO Thank you sir. (shouting) All right you scum, you vermin...
ARTHUR:
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What happens if I press this button here?
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CAPTAIN Oh steady on Number Two...
FORD:
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Don’t!
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NUMBER TWO What do you want to drink?
[Noise of Phargilor Kangaroo Relocation Drive engaging]
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Narrator:
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FORD Well, the gin and tonic sounds very nice to me. Arthur?
Fortunately for Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent, their capsule was fitted with latest in instant space travel: the Phargilor Kangaroo Relocation Drive - by which a ship may be ejected suddenly through the fabric of the space-time continuum and come to rest far from its starting point. This is, however, an emergency device and there is rarely time to plot where the ship will land. Meanwhile, this is what happened to Zaphod, Trillian, and Marvin:
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Scene 4. Int. Spaceship
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ARTHUR What? Oh yes.
[Ferocious roaring]
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TRILLIAN:
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NUMBER TWO With ice or without!!!!!
[Yells]
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ZAPHOD:
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FORD Oh, with please.
Oh! No. No! Get off!
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TRILLIAN:
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NUMBER TWO Lemon?!!!!!!!!!!!
Look out!
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[More ferocious roaring]
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FORD Yes please. And do you have any of those little biscuits, you know the cheesy ones..?
MARVIN:
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Ouch.
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NUMBER TWO I’m asking the questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TRILLIAN:
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[Screams]
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CAPTAIN er, Number Two?
[Even more ferocious roaring]
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ZAPHOD:
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NUMBER TWO Sir!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Keep off! Ugh! Uhhh!
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MARVIN:
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CAPTAIN Push off would you, there’s a good chap. I’m trying to have a relaxing bath.
Oh no. Dear, dear, dear, my arm’s come off.
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TRILLIAN:
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NUMBER TWO Sir. May I remind you that you have now been in that bath for over three years!
[Puffing with exertion] He’s got us! Urgh!
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[The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal begins advancing on them]
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CAPTAIN Yes, well, you need to relax a lot in a job like mine.
TRILLIAN:
 
If ever I survive this [Pant] I’ll get a job as Moby Dick’s dentist
 
ZAPHOD:
 
Urgh! Wh! Ge-
 
[More eating]
 
ZAPHOD:
 
Can it Trillian, I’m trying to die with dignit-eeeeee!
 
TRILLIAN:
 
Urghh!
 
MARVIN:
 
I’m just trying to die.
 
TRILLIAN:
 
Urgh-huh-huh!
 
ZAPHOD:
 
[Yells]
 
[The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal begins eating them]
 
ZAPHOD:
 
No problem! Pas de problème!
 
MARVIN:
 
Ah... the ennui is overpowering.
 
[The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal swallows and burps]
 
NARRATOR:
 
And this is what happened to Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect:
 
   
 
</pre>
 
</pre>
   
End of segment timecheck: MM:SS
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End of segment timecheck: 14:05
   
 
=== Alternate online script ===
 
=== Alternate online script ===

Latest revision as of 01:36, 11 January 2018

Start of segment timecheck: 13:12

NUMBER TWO    Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir

CAPTAIN    Interrogate them, Number Two?

NUMBER TWO    Yes sir. Torture them sir, stick matchsticks under their finger nails, stub out lighted cigarettes on their skin, sir...

CAPTAIN    Why on Earth should I want to do that?

NUMBER TWO        To get information out of them sir.

CAPTAIN        Oh no no no, I expect they just dropped in for a quick gin and tonic, don't you?

NUMBER TWO        Can't I just interrogate them a little bit?

CAPTAIN        Oh, all right, if you must. Ask them what they want to drink.

NUMBER TWO        Thank you sir. (shouting) All right you scum, you vermin...

CAPTAIN        Oh steady on Number Two...

NUMBER TWO        What do you want to drink?

FORD        Well, the gin and tonic sounds very nice to me. Arthur?

ARTHUR        What? Oh yes.

NUMBER TWO        With ice or without!!!!!

FORD        Oh, with please.

NUMBER TWO        Lemon?!!!!!!!!!!!

FORD        Yes please. And do you have any of those little biscuits, you know the cheesy ones..?

NUMBER TWO        I’m asking the questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAPTAIN        er, Number Two?

NUMBER TWO        Sir!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAPTAIN        Push off would you, there’s a good chap. I’m trying to have a relaxing bath.

NUMBER TWO        Sir. May I remind you that you have now been in that bath for over three years!

CAPTAIN        Yes, well, you need to relax a lot in a job like mine.

End of segment timecheck: 14:05

[edit] Alternate online script

http://www.clivebanks.co.uk/THHGTTG/THHGTTGradio6.htm (note that this appears to be a transcription of the broadcast, rather than following the script books as the above prefers to do)

[edit] Other info

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