FitTheSixth

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Start of segment timecheck: 11:00
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Start of segment timecheck: 13:12
   
 
<pre>
 
<pre>
MARVIN I’m just trying to die.
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NUMBER TWO Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir
   
ZAPHOD No problem! Pas de problème!
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CAPTAIN Interrogate them, Number Two?
   
MARVIN Ah... the ennui is overpowering.
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NUMBER TWO Yes sir. Torture them sir, stick matchsticks under their finger nails, stub out lighted cigarettes on their skin, sir...
   
F/X BUG BLATTER BEAST SWALLOWS THEM WHOLE. SOUNDS OF HUGE CAVERNOUS THROAT WITH SLIMY SLOPPING AND GURGLING
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CAPTAIN Why on Earth should I want to do that?
   
NARRATOR And this is what happened to Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect.
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NUMBER TWO To get information out of them sir.
   
F/X REVERSE OF HYPERSPACE EFFECT. LOUD CLANG
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CAPTAIN Oh no no no, I expect they just dropped in for a quick gin and tonic, don't you?
   
ARTHUR Are we back in normal space?
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NUMBER TWO Can't I just interrogate them a little bit?
   
FORD No. I think we’ve actually materialised inside another spaceship.
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CAPTAIN Oh, all right, if you must. Ask them what they want to drink.
   
ARTHUR More problems.
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NUMBER TWO Thank you sir. (shouting) All right you scum, you vermin...
   
FORD We'll, we’ll see. Checks... at atmosphere OK, let’s get out and have a look...
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CAPTAIN Oh steady on Number Two...
   
F/X OPENING OF CAPSULE: THEY GET OUT
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NUMBER TWO What do you want to drink?
   
  +
FORD Well, the gin and tonic sounds very nice to me. Arthur?
   
ARTHUR Ford?
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ARTHUR What? Oh yes.
   
FORD Yeah?
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NUMBER TWO With ice or without!!!!!
   
ARTHUR Look, what about the others?
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FORD Oh, with please.
   
FORD Arthur, you’ll have to learn, it’s a convention in all space-travelling species
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NUMBER TWO Lemon?!!!!!!!!!!!
that if have to ditch someone... you know, a friend... and there’s nothing you can do.
 
You just let it be. You don’t talk about them, OK?
 
   
ARTHUR What... really?
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FORD Yes please. And do you have any of those little biscuits, you know the cheesy ones..?
   
FORD And then we get blind drunk about them later.
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NUMBER TWO I’m asking the questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   
ARTHUR I think there must be something terribly wrong with the universe you know.
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CAPTAIN er, Number Two?
   
FORD I think there must be something terribly wrong with this ship!
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NUMBER TWO Sir!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   
ARTHUR Yes, it looks like a mausoleum.
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CAPTAIN Push off would you, there’s a good chap. I’m trying to have a relaxing bath.
   
FORD Hey, you’re right... The place is full of sarcophagi as far as the eye can see. Wild!
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NUMBER TWO Sir. May I remind you that you have now been in that bath for over three years!
   
ARTHUR What’s so great about dead people?
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CAPTAIN Yes, well, you need to relax a lot in a job like mine.
   
FORD I don’t know, let’s have a look. Here, there’s a plaque on this one...
 
 
ARTHUR What does it say?
 
 
FORD Golgafrincham Ark Fleet, Ship B, Hold Seven, Telephone Sanitizer, Second Class, and a serial number.
 
 
ARTHUR Telephone Sanitizer? A dead telephone sanitizer?
 
 
FORD Best kind.
 
 
ARTHUR Well what’s he doing here?
 
 
FORD Not a lot.
 
 
ARTHUR No, but I mean why... Good god, this one’s a dead hairdresser.
 
 
FORD And this one's an advertising account executive.
 
 
ARTHUR Are these really coffins? They’re terribly cold.
 
 
F/X SUDDEN ZAP
 
 
NUMBER TWO (Very sudden, very loud, very Germanic and Military) All right! Hold it right there!
 
 
FORD Hello?
 
 
ARTHUR Why isn’t anyone ever pleased to see us?
 
 
(FADE)
 
 
</pre>
 
</pre>
   
End of segment timecheck:
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End of segment timecheck: 14:05
   
 
=== Alternate online script ===
 
=== Alternate online script ===

Latest revision as of 01:36, 11 January 2018

Start of segment timecheck: 13:12

NUMBER TWO    Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir

CAPTAIN    Interrogate them, Number Two?

NUMBER TWO    Yes sir. Torture them sir, stick matchsticks under their finger nails, stub out lighted cigarettes on their skin, sir...

CAPTAIN    Why on Earth should I want to do that?

NUMBER TWO        To get information out of them sir.

CAPTAIN        Oh no no no, I expect they just dropped in for a quick gin and tonic, don't you?

NUMBER TWO        Can't I just interrogate them a little bit?

CAPTAIN        Oh, all right, if you must. Ask them what they want to drink.

NUMBER TWO        Thank you sir. (shouting) All right you scum, you vermin...

CAPTAIN        Oh steady on Number Two...

NUMBER TWO        What do you want to drink?

FORD        Well, the gin and tonic sounds very nice to me. Arthur?

ARTHUR        What? Oh yes.

NUMBER TWO        With ice or without!!!!!

FORD        Oh, with please.

NUMBER TWO        Lemon?!!!!!!!!!!!

FORD        Yes please. And do you have any of those little biscuits, you know the cheesy ones..?

NUMBER TWO        I’m asking the questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAPTAIN        er, Number Two?

NUMBER TWO        Sir!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAPTAIN        Push off would you, there’s a good chap. I’m trying to have a relaxing bath.

NUMBER TWO        Sir. May I remind you that you have now been in that bath for over three years!

CAPTAIN        Yes, well, you need to relax a lot in a job like mine.

End of segment timecheck: 14:05

[edit] Alternate online script

http://www.clivebanks.co.uk/THHGTTG/THHGTTGradio6.htm (note that this appears to be a transcription of the broadcast, rather than following the script books as the above prefers to do)

[edit] Other info

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