FitTheSixth

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Start of segment timecheck: 12:00
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Start of segment timecheck: 13:12
   
 
<pre>
 
<pre>
ARTHUR Are these really coffins? They’re terribly cold.
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NUMBER TWO Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir
   
F/X SUDDEN ZAP
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CAPTAIN Interrogate them, Number Two?
   
NUMBER TWO (Very sudden, very loud, very Germanic and Military) All right! Hold it right there!
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NUMBER TWO Yes sir. Torture them sir, stick matchsticks under their finger nails, stub out lighted cigarettes on their skin, sir...
   
FORD Hello?
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CAPTAIN Why on Earth should I want to do that?
   
ARTHUR Why isn’t anyone ever pleased to see us?
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NUMBER TWO To get information out of them sir.
   
(FADE)
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CAPTAIN Oh no no no, I expect they just dropped in for a quick gin and tonic, don't you?
   
F/X FADE UP: BRIDGE. OCCASIONAL SOUND OF SPLASHINKG WATER
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NUMBER TWO Can't I just interrogate them a little bit?
   
(The Captain and Number One are both fairly vague, pleasant, ineffectual people)
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CAPTAIN Oh, all right, if you must. Ask them what they want to drink.
   
NUMBER ONE Er, Captain.?
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NUMBER TWO Thank you sir. (shouting) All right you scum, you vermin...
   
CAPTAIN Yes, Number One?
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CAPTAIN Oh steady on Number Two...
   
NUMBER ONE Just had a sort of report thing from Number Two.
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NUMBER TWO What do you want to drink?
   
CAPTAIN Oh dear.
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FORD Well, the gin and tonic sounds very nice to me. Arthur?
   
NUMBER ONE He was shouting something or other about having found some prisoners.
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ARTHUR What? Oh yes.
   
CAPTAIN Well perhaps that’ll keep him happy for a bit, he’s always wanted some.
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NUMBER TWO With ice or without!!!!!
   
FX DOOR OPENS
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FORD Oh, with please.
   
NUMBER TWO Captain sir.
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NUMBER TWO Lemon?!!!!!!!!!!!
   
CAPTAIN Oh, hello, Number Two, having a nice day?
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FORD Yes please. And do you have any of those little biscuits, you know the cheesy ones..?
   
NUMBER TWO I have brought you the prisoners I located in freezer bay seven sir.
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NUMBER TWO I’m asking the questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   
FORD/ARTHUR Er, hello.
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CAPTAIN er, Number Two?
   
CAPTAIN Oh Hello, excuse me not getting up, just having a quick bath. Well, gin and tonics all round then. Look in the fridge Number One.
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NUMBER TWO Sir!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   
NUMBER ONE Certainly, sir
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CAPTAIN Push off would you, there’s a good chap. I’m trying to have a relaxing bath.
   
NUMBER TWO Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir
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NUMBER TWO Sir. May I remind you that you have now been in that bath for over three years!
   
CAPTAIN Interrogate them, Number Two?
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CAPTAIN Yes, well, you need to relax a lot in a job like mine.
 
NUMBER TWO Yes sir. Tirture them sir, stick matchsticks under their finger nails, stub out lighted cigarettes on their skin, sir...
 
 
CAPTAIN Why on Earth should I want to do that?
 
   
 
</pre>
 
</pre>
   
End of segment timecheck: xx:xx
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End of segment timecheck: 14:05
   
 
=== Alternate online script ===
 
=== Alternate online script ===

Latest revision as of 01:36, 11 January 2018

Start of segment timecheck: 13:12

NUMBER TWO    Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir

CAPTAIN    Interrogate them, Number Two?

NUMBER TWO    Yes sir. Torture them sir, stick matchsticks under their finger nails, stub out lighted cigarettes on their skin, sir...

CAPTAIN    Why on Earth should I want to do that?

NUMBER TWO        To get information out of them sir.

CAPTAIN        Oh no no no, I expect they just dropped in for a quick gin and tonic, don't you?

NUMBER TWO        Can't I just interrogate them a little bit?

CAPTAIN        Oh, all right, if you must. Ask them what they want to drink.

NUMBER TWO        Thank you sir. (shouting) All right you scum, you vermin...

CAPTAIN        Oh steady on Number Two...

NUMBER TWO        What do you want to drink?

FORD        Well, the gin and tonic sounds very nice to me. Arthur?

ARTHUR        What? Oh yes.

NUMBER TWO        With ice or without!!!!!

FORD        Oh, with please.

NUMBER TWO        Lemon?!!!!!!!!!!!

FORD        Yes please. And do you have any of those little biscuits, you know the cheesy ones..?

NUMBER TWO        I’m asking the questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAPTAIN        er, Number Two?

NUMBER TWO        Sir!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAPTAIN        Push off would you, there’s a good chap. I’m trying to have a relaxing bath.

NUMBER TWO        Sir. May I remind you that you have now been in that bath for over three years!

CAPTAIN        Yes, well, you need to relax a lot in a job like mine.

End of segment timecheck: 14:05

[edit] Alternate online script

http://www.clivebanks.co.uk/THHGTTG/THHGTTGradio6.htm (note that this appears to be a transcription of the broadcast, rather than following the script books as the above prefers to do)

[edit] Other info

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