FitTheSixth

GRAMS   NARRATOR BACKGROUND

NARRATOR	The History of every major Galactic civilization has gone
through three distinct and recognizable phases - those of survival, inquiry and
sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases. For instance
the first phase is characterized by the question 'How can we eat?', the second
by the question 'Why do we eat?' and the third by the question 'Where shall we
have lunch?'

The history of warfare is similarly subdivided, though here the phases are
Retribution, Anticipation, and Diplomacy - Thus Retribution: 'I am going to
kill you because you killed my brother', Anticipation: 'I am going to kill you
because I killed your brother', and Diplomacy: ' I am going to kill my brother
and then kill you on the pretext that your brother did it'.

Meanwhile, the Earthman Arthur Dent, to whom all this can be of only academic
interest as his only brother was long ago nibbled to death by an okapi, is
about to be plunged into a real intergalactic war. This is largely because the
spaceship that he and his companions have inadvertently stolen from the
Restaurant at the End of the Universe has now returned itself on autopilot to
its rightful time and place. Its rightful time is immediately prior to a
massive invasion of an entire alien galaxy, and its rightful place is at the
head of a fleet of one hundred thousand black battle cruisers. This is why:

ARTHUR	You mean this ship we've stolen is the admiral's flag-ship?

FORD	That's the way it's looking. Perhaps we should just ask them if they
want it back. You know, if we were reasonably polite about it...

ZAPHOD	They might just let us off with being lightly killed.

FORD	Yeah. OK well it's better than ... er ...

ZAPHOD	It isn't better than anything at all, is it.

F/X	FLICKERING HUM RISING IN PITCH

FORD	That visiscreen's beginning to flicker.

ZAPHOD	Fetid photons! It must be some guy wanting orders.

FORD	Well order him to go away. You'll just have to bluff it out, Zaphod.

ZAPHOD I'll have to bluff it out?

FORD Now sit down and do something...

ARTHUR	Say something...

TRILLIAN	Anything.

FORD	Don't worry, we'll be right behind you ... hiding.

ZAPHOD	Ford, this is your idea, isn't it?

FORD	Yeah, now sit down there and be a star.

ZAPHOD	When I am a star I'll hire better ideas man.

F/X	THE SCREEN COMES ALIVE WITH A PING

Other info

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