FitTheSixth

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Start of segment timecheck: 7:00ish

TRILLIAN    Thanks a million, Zaphod. 

ZAPHOD    Well, hey don’t look at me. I mean - 

TRILLIAN    What do we do? 

FORD    The Book says run away. 

ZAPHOD    Uhh, how do we get the automatic pilot on our side? Box of choccies and some sweet talk? Any ideas, Marvin? 

MARVIN    If I were you I’d be very depressed. 

ZAPHOD    Earthman? 

ARTHUR    I'd go a long with Marvin. 

ZAPHOD    Ford? 

FORD    Well, I always find that the prospect of death contracts the mind wonderfully. 

TRILLIAN    Ya know, I’ve just thought: there is a chance. 

ARTHUR    What a chance? As far as I can see you might as well lower haystacks off the boat deck of The Lusitania! 

TRILLIAN    No, no, think about it. The second-in-command assumed that the admiral, Zaphod, and I were the same person not because we looked similar, but because we looked completely different! 

FORD    Hey! Y- yes! 

TRILLIAN    So if… 

FORD    Right! Right! I’m with you. If the second-in-command can be a shoebox, the admiral can be anything. A- a paraffin stove, a- a water bison, an anaconda… 

ZAPHOD    Terrr-rific! I’ll root around for the water bison. Trillian you see if you can find the jar the admiral keeps his anacondas in. 

FORD    Look, can it Zaphod! It could quite easily be something mundane: er, a screwdriver, that cord of wire, the chair itself! 

ZAPHOD    Yeah. Hey, you know that’s a really neat chair - could’ve been made for me. It’s got the two headrests, dig? 

FORD    What tho- those two great furry things? 

ZAPHOD    Yeah. 

FORD    Oh, they look ridiculous. 

TRILLIAN    It was very uncomfortable. I prefer something with far longer arms. 

ARTHUR    But which is probably quite incapable of drinking coffee! 

ZAPHOD    Hey, errrr, what did you say, Earthman? 

TRILLIAN    Did you say headrests Zaphod? They look a lot like eyebrows to me. 

ZAPHOD    That chair is scratching its leg. 

TRILLIAN    It’s just been asleep all this time. 

FORD    Arthur! For god’s sake get back here quick! 

ZAPHOD    Yeah stand up when you sit on the admiral, primate! 

TRILLIAN    It’s moving! Look, it’s starting to evolve! 

[A loud roar] 

ZAPHOD    [Screams] 

FORD    Eat your heart out Galapagos Islands. 

ZAPHOD    G-force you know what that is? 

TRILLIAN    Let me guess, horrible! Am I wrong? 

[Another loud roar] 

ZAPHOD    It’s a carbon copy of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal - or I’m a Vogon’s Grandmother! 

ARTHUR    The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal! Is it safe? 

[Sound of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal salivating] 

FORD    Oh Yes! It’s perfectly safe - it’s just us who are in trouble. If that’s the admiral and he still wants his coffee it ain’t sponge fingers he’s gonna dunk in it. 

[A loud roar] 

ZAPHOD    Wuuahhhhhhhh! 

TRILLIAN    Ford! Throw some furniture at it! 

FORD    What do I do?! Pick up this table by the ears? 

ARTHUR    [Shouts]Oh god, the whole place is coming alive! 

[We hear the contents of the spaceship slowly waking up…] 

ZAPHOD    Yeah, and we’re coming dead! 

TRILLIAN    These ashtrays! Just turned into a jar full of anacondas! 

ZAPHOD    Just- just tell it we’ll let them know! 

TRILLIAN    Ah! Urgh! 

FORD    Get off me you filthy sofa! 

ARTHUR    God! And I thought Time’s Furnishing was horrific! 

ZAPHOD    [Shouts]
FORD    Arthur and I’ll take this one! Zaphod you and the others take the left-hand one! 

ZAPHOD    Right! 

[Over the roaring we hear the escape capsule opening] 

FORD    Press the go start Arthur. 

[The escape capsule leaves the ship]

End of segment timecheck: 9:20

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http://www.clivebanks.co.uk/THHGTTG/THHGTTGradio6.htm

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