FitTheSixth

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(first draft of next scene - copypasta from clivebanks)
(updated from scriptbook)
 
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Start of segment timecheck: 11:00
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Start of segment timecheck: 13:12
   
 
<pre>
  
<pre>
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MARVIN I’m just trying to die.
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NUMBER TWO Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir
   
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ZAPHOD No problem! Pas de problème!
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CAPTAIN Interrogate them, Number Two?
   
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MARVIN Ah... the ennui is overpowering.
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NUMBER TWO Yes sir. Torture them sir, stick matchsticks under their finger nails, stub out lighted cigarettes on their skin, sir...
   
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F/X BUG BLATTER BEAST SWALLOWS THEM WHOLE. SOUNDS OF HUGE CAVERNOUS THROAT WITH SLIMY SLOPPING AND GURGLING
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CAPTAIN Why on Earth should I want to do that?
   
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NARRATOR And this is what happened to Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect.
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NUMBER TWO To get information out of them sir.
   
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F/X REVERSE OF HYPERSPACE EFFECT. LOUD CLANG
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CAPTAIN Oh no no no, I expect they just dropped in for a quick gin and tonic, don't you?
   
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[Noise of Phargilor Kangaroo Relocation Drive disengaging]
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NUMBER TWO Can't I just interrogate them a little bit?
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ARTHUR Are we in normal space?
  
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FORD No. I think we’ve materialised inside another spaceship.
  
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ARTHUR More problems.
  
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FORD We'll, we’ll see.
 
   
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CAPTAIN Oh, all right, if you must. Ask them what they want to drink.
   
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NUMBER TWO Thank you sir. (shouting) All right you scum, you vermin...
   
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[Sound of scanners checking]
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CAPTAIN Oh steady on Number Two...
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FORD Atmosphere’s ok. Le-Let’s get out and have a look.
  
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[Hatch opens]
  
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ARTHUR Ford?
  
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FORD Yeah?
  
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ARTHUR What about the others?
  
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FORD Arthur, you’ll have to learn it’s a convention in all space-travelling species that if have to ditch someone, you know - a friend, and there’s nothing you can do, you just let it be. You don’t talk about them, Okay?
  
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ARTHUR What, really?
  
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FORD And then we get blind drunk about them later.
  
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ARTHUR I think there must be something terribly wrong with the universe you know.
  
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FORD I think there must be something terribly wrong with this ship!
  
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ARTHUR Yes, it looks like a mausoleum.
  
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FORD That’s it! Yes you’re right! The place is full of sarcophagi as far as the eye can see! Wild!
  
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ARTHUR What’s so great about dead people?
  
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FORD Well I don’t know. Let’s have a look. Here! Here. There’s a plaque on this one.
  
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ARTHUR What does it say?
  
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FORD ”Golgafrincham Ark Fleet. Ship B. Hold Seven: Telephone Sanitizers, Second Class.” And a serial number!
  
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ARTHUR ”Telephone Sanitizer”? A dead telephone sanitizer?
  
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FORD Best kind.
  
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ARTHUR Well what’s he doing here?
  
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FORD Not a lot.
  
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ARTHUR No! - but I mean why? Good god! This one’s a dead hairdresser.
  
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FORD And this one here’s an advertising account executive.
  
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ARTHUR Are these really coffins? They’re terribly cold.
  
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NUMBER TWO Alright! Hold it right there!
  
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ARTHUR Why isn’t anyone ever pleased to see us?</pre>
  
   
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End of segment timecheck:
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NUMBER TWO What do you want to drink?
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FORD Well, the gin and tonic sounds very nice to me. Arthur?
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ARTHUR What? Oh yes.
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NUMBER TWO With ice or without!!!!!
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FORD Oh, with please.
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NUMBER TWO Lemon?!!!!!!!!!!!
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FORD Yes please. And do you have any of those little biscuits, you know the cheesy ones..?
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NUMBER TWO I’m asking the questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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CAPTAIN er, Number Two?
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NUMBER TWO Sir!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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CAPTAIN Push off would you, there’s a good chap. I’m trying to have a relaxing bath.
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NUMBER TWO Sir. May I remind you that you have now been in that bath for over three years!
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CAPTAIN Yes, well, you need to relax a lot in a job like mine.
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</pre>
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End of segment timecheck: 14:05
   
 
=== Alternate online script ===
  
=== Alternate online script ===

Latest revision as of 01:36, 11 January 2018

Start of segment timecheck: 13:12 

NUMBER TWO    Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir

CAPTAIN    Interrogate them, Number Two?

NUMBER TWO    Yes sir. Torture them sir, stick matchsticks under their finger nails, stub out lighted cigarettes on their skin, sir...

CAPTAIN    Why on Earth should I want to do that?

NUMBER TWO        To get information out of them sir.

CAPTAIN        Oh no no no, I expect they just dropped in for a quick gin and tonic, don't you?

NUMBER TWO        Can't I just interrogate them a little bit?

CAPTAIN        Oh, all right, if you must. Ask them what they want to drink.

NUMBER TWO        Thank you sir. (shouting) All right you scum, you vermin...

CAPTAIN        Oh steady on Number Two...

NUMBER TWO        What do you want to drink?

FORD        Well, the gin and tonic sounds very nice to me. Arthur?

ARTHUR        What? Oh yes.

NUMBER TWO        With ice or without!!!!!

FORD        Oh, with please.

NUMBER TWO        Lemon?!!!!!!!!!!!

FORD        Yes please. And do you have any of those little biscuits, you know the cheesy ones..?

NUMBER TWO        I’m asking the questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAPTAIN        er, Number Two?

NUMBER TWO        Sir!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAPTAIN        Push off would you, there’s a good chap. I’m trying to have a relaxing bath.

NUMBER TWO        Sir. May I remind you that you have now been in that bath for over three years!

CAPTAIN        Yes, well, you need to relax a lot in a job like mine.

End of segment timecheck: 14:05

[edit] Alternate online script

http://www.clivebanks.co.uk/THHGTTG/THHGTTGradio6.htm (note that this appears to be a transcription of the broadcast, rather than following the script books as the above prefers to do)

[edit] Other info

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