FitTheSixth

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(+update cheat sheet)
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THE BOOK:
  
THE BOOK:
−
The Haggunennons of Azizatus Three have the most impatient chromosomes of any life-forms in the galaxy. Where as most races are content to evolve slowly and carefully over thousands of generations - discarding a prehensile toe here, nervously hazarding another nostril there, the Haggunennons would do for Charles Darwin what a squadron of Arcturan Stunt-Apples would have done for Sir Isaac Newton. Their genetic structure, based on the quadruple-striated octo-helix, is so chronically unstable, that far from passing their basic shape onto their children, they will quite frequently evolve several times over lunch. But they do this with such reckless abandon that if, sitting at table, they are unable to reach a coffee spoon, they are liable without a moments consideration to mutate into something with far longer arms - but which is probably quite incapable of drinking the coffee. This, not unnaturally, produces a terrible sense of personal insecurity and a jealous resentment of all stable life-forms, or “filthy rotten stinking samelings” as they call them. They justify this by claiming that as they have personally experienced what it is like to be virtually everybody else they can think of, they are in a very good position to appreciate all their worst points. This appreciation is usually military in nature and is carried out with unmitigated savagery from the gunrooms of their horribly beweaponed, chameleoid death flotilla. Experience has shown that the most effective way of dealing with any Haggunennon you may meet is to run away… terribly fast.
+
The Haggunennons of Azizatus Three have the most impatient chromosomes of any life-forms in the galaxy.
  +
Where as most races are content to evolve slowly and carefully over thousands of generations - discarding
  +
a prehensile toe here, nervously hazarding another nostril there, the Haggunennons would do for
  +
Charles Darwin what a squadron of Arcturan Stunt-Apples would have done for Sir Isaac Newton.
  +
Their genetic structure, based on the quadruple-striated octo-helix, is so chronically unstable,
  +
that far from passing their basic shape onto their children, they will quite frequently evolve
  +
several times over lunch. But they do this with such reckless abandon that if, sitting at table,
  +
they are unable to reach a coffee spoon, they are liable without a moments consideration to mutate
  +
into something with far longer arms - but which is probably quite incapable of drinking the coffee.
  +
This, not unnaturally, produces a terrible sense of personal insecurity and a jealous resentment of
  +
all stable life-forms, or “filthy rotten stinking samelings” as they call them. They justify this by
  +
claiming that as they have personally experienced what it is like to be virtually everybody else they
  +
can think of, they are in a very good position to appreciate all their worst points. This appreciation
  +
is usually military in nature and is carried out with unmitigated savagery from the gunrooms of their
  +
horribly beweaponed, chameleoid death flotilla. Experience has shown that the most effective way of
  +
dealing with any Haggunennon you may meet is to run away… terribly fast.
   
 
FORD Great!
 
FORD Great!

Revision as of 23:02, 10 March 2014

Start of segment timecheck: 4:28 

F/X    SCREEN GOES DEAD

ZAPHOD    Wowee. weirder and weirder

TRILLIAN    Good god.

ARTHUR    What is it Trillian?

TRILLIAN    Did you see that? I thought you said he was a Leopard.

ARTHUR    He sounded different

FORD    Did he look different?

TRILLIAN    Well he wasn't so much a leopard, more a sort of, you know, shoebox.

ARTHUR    A shoe box?

TRILLIAN    Full of... well, size nine chukka boots.

ARTHUR    A shoe box full of size nine chukka boots?

ZAPHOD    Alright chimpman, what do you think this is, dictation?

ARTHUR    I just wondered how she knew they were size nine?

FORD    Trillian, are you seriously telling us you've been talking to a box of shoes?

TRILLIAN    Yes.

FORD    And he... she... it...

TRILLIAN    They.

FORD    ...thought that you also were the admiral?

TRILLIAN    Well you heard it.

ZAPHOD    What are they, clinically thick?

FORD    I think they're very clever. They're trying to confuse us to death.

MARVIN    I don't think they're very clever. There's only one person as intelligent as me within thirty parsecs of here and that's me.

ZAPHOD    OK Marvin, is there anything you can tell us?

MARVIN    Yes. I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side.

ARTHUR    What was the name the second in command said? Haggunenon. Why don't we look it up in the book?

TRILLIAN    What book?

FORD    The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

ZAPHOD    Oh, that hack rag.

F/X    BOOKMOTIF

THE BOOK:
The Haggunennons of Azizatus Three have the most impatient chromosomes of any life-forms in the galaxy.
Where as most races are content to evolve slowly and carefully over thousands of generations - discarding
a prehensile toe here, nervously hazarding another nostril there, the Haggunennons would do for
Charles Darwin what a squadron of Arcturan Stunt-Apples would have done for Sir Isaac Newton.
Their genetic structure, based on the quadruple-striated octo-helix, is so chronically unstable,
that far from passing their basic shape onto their children, they will quite frequently evolve
several times over lunch. But they do this with such reckless abandon that if, sitting at table,
they are unable to reach a coffee spoon, they are liable without a moments consideration to mutate
into something with far longer arms - but which is probably quite incapable of drinking the coffee.
This, not unnaturally, produces a terrible sense of personal insecurity and a jealous resentment of
all stable life-forms, or “filthy rotten stinking samelings” as they call them. They justify this by
claiming that as they have personally experienced what it is like to be virtually everybody else they
can think of, they are in a very good position to appreciate all their worst points. This appreciation
is usually military in nature and is carried out with unmitigated savagery from the gunrooms of their
horribly beweaponed, chameleoid death flotilla. Experience has shown that the most effective way of
dealing with any Haggunennon you may meet is to run away… terribly fast. 

FORD    Great! 

ARTHUR    Terrific! 

TRILLIAN    Thanks a million, Zaphod. 

ZAPHOD    Well, hey don’t look at me. I mean - 

TRILLIAN    What do we do? 

FORD    The Book says run away.

End of segment timecheck: 5:something

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